Diary of a Woman Who Is No Longer Ovulating

At some point or the other, women curse their periods and the thought of ovulating. I most definitely did. Then I miscarried and realized that my ovaries, & my uterus needed to be in order if I wanted to try again. From that point forward I became obsessed with tracking basically my entire life down like I was Sherlock Holmes and the key to finding the missing diamond was in my menstrual cycle.

What I didn’t really mention to anyone was that even prior to that pregnancy, my monthly periods were very irregular. My cycle was a longer one, but I bled for no longer than 7 days. However, since my miscarriage I have only not bled for a few weeks of the entire following year. My last bit of bleeding lasted over 18 weeks. Needless to say, I was tired, cranky, hungry, nauseated and everything in between at just about every hour of the day. After what felt like thousands of tests and doctor’s appointments, I was told that I was no longer ovulating.

Here’s the thing, when I go the news I was so calm that I even surprised myself. To say I wasn’t sad would be a bold faced lie. However, I was oddly at peace. I always say that the only constant in life is change and accepting that has been one of the most revolutionary decisions I could have made for myself. Through this, I’ve realized that though happiness at any and all given times would be fantastic, it isn’t always present. We may not always be happy, but we can always do our best to be at ease, and at peace. Perhaps this way of life isn’t for everyone, and I wholly accept and respect that. However, for myself, this keeps me alive.

Being on medication and hopping back on birth control in order to regulate my periods and stop the excessive bleeding has helped with my overall well-being and with the retention of more water-weight than I’d like. But, I feel better than I used to so I’ll take it. I know I may not sound sane saying this, but I honestly believe that although I miscarried, having been pregnant was a sign from the universe to me that I will be able to have children. But then again, maybe I won’t be able to give the gift of life in this particular way. Perhaps I’ll be able to save someone’s life, love someone that needs it, take care of someone that would otherwise not have arms to run into. I feel the sadness seeping into me every now and then, but that’s okay. I’m a big believer in feeling.

If your periods are irregular, it doesn’t mean that you are dealing with the same thing. So don’t psyche yourself out (Google is not a doctor and has no test results, tell yourself this over and over again)! I would, however, recommend that you go in to see a medical practitioner and find out why this may be the case – perhaps your cycle runs differently, maybe it’s a slight hormonal imbalance, maybe it’s something deeper. It’s better to know. Once you know what the root cause of this irregularity is, I would highly suggest going to see a naturopath if it falls within your budget. I’m not a doctor, so please do take everything I say with a grain of salt. I’m not advising that you completely ditch your doctor either. I personally feel that it’s good to have more than one opinion. Perhaps there are some natural supplementary remedies or lifestyle changes that you can be making to aid you in the healing process.

All in all, I’m happy, healthier, in love and have two (not so) little girls I adore more than life itself. I can’t ask for much more, can I? Everything will be as it will be. Life will come as it comes. And I will embrace it with open arms.

Be safe, and be well. Good vibes.

Janu Ys

Janu Ys - entry on not ovulating
Image via Stacey Rebertz Imaging