Teacups & Saucers

I don’t want to be presumptuous and assume that all of my readers have been to an amusement park of any kind at some point in their lives or the other. However, I’m going to have to make that assumption with this post. You know that teacup ride? The one where you sit in the cup and spin a wheel in the middle? And the saucer and cup whirl around like crazy. Sometimes you are the one to spin it, sometimes others do, and other times the ride moderator spins it. Ultimately, it never really completely stops spinning. And if it does, there isn’t really much of a point to the ride, is there? It’s quite reminiscent of life. At least, I think it is.

Sometimes, the teacup is spinning so fast that it leaves you discombobulated and unable to get a hold of yourself (so much that you can actually start to feel sick because of the constant, turbulent spinning). But there are moments on this ride, when things get to crystal clear and you focus. The moment I’m talking about is when you are able to not zone in on the spinning, but be still irrespective of the spinning.You aren’t really at a stand still in this moment, you’ve just found clarity, a sense of self and some stability. You just…got it. End of story. That moment…that’s how I feel. 

I’ve gone through some major changes, which is fantastic. I love growing. Please note at this time, that if anyone ever tells you that you changed when you’re out here trying to make positive steps forward, they aint growing with you. In the wise words of O.T Genasis and Young Dolph: YOU NEED TO CUT ITTTTTT. 

I moved to Parkdale recently and the street I live on now isn’t too far from the street I lived on as a child. It was a moment in my childhood when 4 adults and 6 children were living in a 2 bedroom apartment that barely met any safety standards & had serious pest issues. Because, it was all we could afford & at that time, that apartment was luxury. It was the part of my childhood where struggle was ingrained in my life that I didn’t even realize it. These moments really make up the discs in my spine; I stand strong, not as tall as I’d like to, but I stand strong. Moving down here, I didn’t realize the amount of triggers that would hit me right in the face. It was really hard at first, the teacup and saucer were going nuts and I didn’t know what to do about it. But as time passed, I found that moment of clarity and focus. I let myself dig out those memories and dealt with the monsters that came with them. I feel better, much better. Sometimes acknowledging your sadness can help you come to terms with it. I’m road tripping through life and not letting sadness take the wheel, she just chills in the backseat with comfort hugging her. I’m hoping this will help me keep my head up if and when waves of sadness or anxiety hit me. I think it will. For now, it’s lit.

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With these changes and choices that I’ve been making, I wanted to revamp my blog (since I was craving more change and don’t intend to shave my head again, not for the next little bit at least). I reached out to a social media friend turned real life friend, @NancilynSelva who is a web whiz that just so happened to understand and see my creative vision. Working alongside her wonderful self, we have the new and improved #Aathma, & I couldn’t be happier.

As I was reflecting on myself, my work, and my vision, I realized that in the desperate attempt to make something of myself I was trying to fit in so badly that I didn’t realize that I was blending in. I’m not down for that anymore, I have far too much to offer to be anything but myself. So yeah, I’m going to continue to do my best to put myself on. But I’m going to take that extra step to never be anything but me. & that my friends, is greatness in the making. I believe it. I feel it in my bones. I’d rather be me than try to emulate an energy that is subpar to my being. Not even trying to be a shady b-tch. I can’t be that cookie cutter social media kid. It’s not me. I’m as complex as my flavour palate. That’s saying a lot.

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I truly want to thank every single person that reads my work for being so supportive. I see y’all, & I appreciate it. Anyway, there will be new content uploaded regularly. I haven’t really thought of a set schedule just yet- let me know if you have any suggestions. In the mean time, please feel free to acquaint yourself with my new life anthem.

Chat soon.
Good vibes, always.

J.

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